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(Published in The Ottawa Citizen, May 16, 2004)

Writings from the road

Discovery that final lesson from the road: Citizen staffer and singer-songwriter Wendy DeMos took a break from work last fall and set off across North America to live the life of a travelling musician. This is her last report

I bow to your magic
I fall into your grace
I move toward a prayer
Your fields and rivers waiting
For the dawn, the shadows breaking
To dream again
To dream again
To dream

From the CD "To Dream Again"

By Wendy DeMos

I heard he died while I was crossing the Richmond Bridge into California's exquisite Marin County.

I was listening to messages on my cell phone when Gloria's voice told me her husband, Reginald "Reg" Sprung, my booking agent, had a heart attack at the age of 54.

The beautiful soul who started me on this six-month tour was gone.

I never even got to meet him in person.

The plan was to stop at his house in Guelph, Ont., on my return in the spring, and, after countless phone calls and e-mails, finally meet Reg. I'd give him a big hug and tell him -- again -- how grateful I am for believing in me and planning this tour.

As it is, I'll be stopping by to meet his widow and pick up a box filled with my leftover CDs, posters and press kits.

Now there's a different energy about this journey.

While he was planning it, and notifying me of each new gig, I could sense Reg's excitement. Planning tours was a way, I think, for him to recapture his love of music, of remembering his touring days and a way to relive his musical dreams. Now part of the joy is gone.

I feel great sadness for the loss of someone who wanted to see me soar with my songs. Such a gift he gave me.

I figure you're sent an earth angel to take you to the next level when you're ready or when you take the time to notice.

Angels like Reg.

He would laugh when I told him I had RV envy. Living out of a van for more than a couple of months starts to get claustrophic. Though with gas prices soaring throughout the winter, he suggested -- with apologies to Tammy Wynette -- that I "stand by my van."

Luckily, I've met generous people and friends who have opened their homes to me. But many nights it was just my dog, Mieke, and me curled up on the futon in the back of the minivan.

And driving up and down No. 5, the main highway along the U.S. west coast, gets tedious after a while.

But, above all, it's the loneliness of spending night after night in a strange place that can be stifling. Don't get me wrong, Mieke is great company and I'm so glad she's with me. But I yearn for a more human connection, more hugs on the highway.

When I do reach a friend's place, I don't want to do anything but hold hands and talk. Don't need any sightseeing. Don't need to be entertained.

But despite the gas prices, the claustrophobia, and the loneliness, it's been a remarkable tour.

I've met or reconnected with others who, like Reg, have been an integral part of the journey.

Inspiring people like Kate Munger in Inverness, Calif. She's the leader of a dozen or so Threshold Choirs in the Bay Area. These are choirs that sing for those on the thresholds of life -- the homeless, prison inmates, those giving birth, or dying.

We met a couple of years ago when she heard a song on my CD "To Dream Again" and taught it to her choirs.

Kate says the title track is a staple in their repertoire and is sung by her choirs or offshoots of them about 12 times a day.

"That song creates immediate intimacy," she says.

I'd say thanks if I thought I actually created it.

At this point in my life, I realize I'm simply a conduit for creativity. My focus now is to live in a way that allows me to catch the creativity that is always flowing.

Sisters Melinda and Ellen in Pasadena, Calif. are true patrons of the arts I must mention. They say "welcome home" whenever I'm back in L.A., set up gigs in the area, and open their homes to me. In the city of angels, they are my angels.

Or John Francis in Point Reyes, Calif. By his own example of listening to his spirit and founding the environmentally active Planetwalk.org, he inspired me to follow my heart and sing my songs publicly back in 1993. He's still an inspiration and role model, and a reminder to listen to my spirit.

And Theo in Ashland, Oregon, is a gentle soul, who sees the good -- and God -- in everything. Struck by juvenile arthritis as a teenager, at 38 he now sees through wise eyes that have dealt with a life that offers limited options. Through all, he sees that loving is the only choice.

There are others. Many others. Countless people who opened their hearts and lives to me and Mieke, arranged concerts, attended concerts, provided care packages for the road.

And a common comment I hear is "You're so brave to do that. I'd love to just take to the road."

It never struck me that I was doing a courageous thing. Mostly, it just sounded like a fun way to sing my songs for lots of people.

And sing I did. The regular gigs, the refining of the show, the emphasis on the song all contributes to a more professional presentation. The only way that comes, I figure, is to play and play and play some more.

And that means touring.

Though how I've yearned to be able to take yoga classes regularly or to know that on Monday nights it's my belly dance class, or to catch up -- in person -- with friends and colleagues in Ottawa and Wakefield.

But would I do it again?

In a minute.

Though I've learned a few things. I realized that for this lengthy a tour, I'd prefer not to travel alone. The life of a wandering minstrel can be lonely.

Did I make inroads with my music?

My intent is to lift my audiences. To help them access their own joy, to be present, to sense their own creativity by the time they leave the show.

My observations tell me people were moved. They usually laughed at appropriate times. Sometimes they cried -- the best indicator of a good song!

And sometimes they told me how my adventure made them think about taking a step toward their own heart's desire.

I think Reg would be proud.

Editor's Note: Wendy DeMos this past week settled in a small Northern California town for another six months to work with a producer on her songs.

Wendy